Redlined Resumes: room to breathe

First of all, thank you all so much for sending a new spate of resumes for redlining.  I'll be posting a few more over the next few weeks and then take another break to post on various work-related issues, but for now...on with the resumes.  As usual, the same rules apply: this is one architect's opinion, and you're free to agree or disagree, use or ignore any of the comments I make on any resume.

Today's resume is from KS, who has a lot of good info and content that's a little overwhelming due to the size of his/her text.  It's an honest mistake, so take heart and take note: while I warn against making a resume that looks muddy when printed or faxed as a black and white document, bear in mind that not everyone will print your resume out, at least the first time they see it.  Your font can be at a 10-point or 11-point most of the time (unless it's a font that tends to be really big or small).  Another distraction on KS's resume are the various horizontal and vertical lines.  I can tell that KS is trying to divide up certain types of information, but if a couple of these lines are deleted (or extended), it can make the resume a little more legible.

As for content, I'll give KS the same advice I give everyone: take out personal activities or interests, unless they directly relate to the kind of firm to which you're applying.  Further, KS's relevant activities (not life experiences) tell a firm indirectly what his/her interests are, and it does this in a way that makes his/her interests relevant to a firm.  KS uses sentences instead of bullet points to talk about his/her work experience, which is unusual but if well-written can work in your favor.  I've tweaked a few of KS's sentences, and I've clouded some items to ask what s/he means by the words.  For example, what does "working...with everyday challenges and  opportunities, accomplishing goals while working with a team" mean to KS?  This is where a firm will need more specific information about what these challenges and opportunities are, and goals were be accomplished, and what exactly does teamwork entail at this particular job.  There's a lot to be learned (and a lot of skills to be gained) from working retail, and I want to make sure KS conveys how much s/he knows from having done this job.  It's respectable work, especially in a bad economy when architecture jobs were hard to find, and KS should get credit where credit is due.

More Redlined Resumes to come, but please send more questions and resumes along, and feel free to ask questions in the comments or via email in the sidebar.  Thanks!