Is there a place for the quiet leader?

Part of the discussions my firm is having about the next ten years involves leadership. Some of the conversations are basic--who's retiring, who's staying, who's advancing or should be advanced, and so on. Some of these conversations are more abstract and revolve around leadership itself. We've had previous discussions about what does it take to reach certain titles in our office, but there's still something lacking, something not quite right about those rules.

Many of our firm's, and indeed our society's, hallmarks of leadership include what might be considered extroverted behaviors and traits. Speaking up (and often), being visible, tooting your own horn, being involved in multiple visible roles, etc. are often considered what it takes to be a "leader" in our culture. But if we are to believe the research presented in Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking (and I do believe it myself), we need quiet, more reserved, and less "out there" leaders as much as we do the social butterfly multitaskers that we've rewarded with leadership roles and power for so long.

I'm often thought of as an extrovert, but the truth is I prefer to work alone or with only one or two more people, and I require a lot of alone time to recover from public speaking and teaching engagements. I consider myself just barely an extrovert, but I also find myself getting louder and more involved and vocal when something really matters to me. Even now while trying to slog through my burnout and get some much-needed rest, I find myself compelled to be involved in these long-range planning efforts going on in my firm right now. This is due in part to the fact that it's something I've wanted to be involved in for a long time, and it's also due to the fact that whenever something needs to be done as part of this planning, there is only a handful of people willing to do it...so it falls into my lap or the lap of one of a few colleagues. Extroversion through coercion, so it seems.

So I do wonder: is there a place for the quiet leader, the monotasker, the thoughtful sage in lieu of the verbose savior? And can architecture make that kind of leader work both in its firms and as its face in society?

This is burnout.

I have no advice today.

I have no wise words, no helpful hints, no simple tricks to try in a sticky situation. I'm bereft of helpfulness for anyone, including myself. I'm in a place where I've used up all my smart, all my funny, all my helpful, all my useful. I can no longer lean in, step up, take charge, be strong, and make things happen. It's because I've been leaning in for the past year at work on a big, fast, impossible project, and I'm burned out.

When I say "burned out", I don't mean that I'm tired and could use a week's vacation or maybe a couple months of normal workweeks and workloads. I mean BURNED. OUT. It's the kind of feeling where the thought of answering one question regarding that project--or any project I've been working on or helping out on--sends me into a fit of rage, tears, or sighing, followed by the words "I don't care; do what you want." I mean running to the bathroom every couple of hours so I can cry for five minutes, so I can go back to my desk and answer more questions and emails, be smart, be helpful, and be kind to my staff, who are not particularly the cause of my tears. I can't stand the thought of working on my existing project. I can't stand the thought of starting something new, with more ridiculous deadlines and panic and half-ass information from the client and lack of staff and mixed messages from my bosses and every other thing that has plagued me for the past year. I can't stand the thought of doing simple administrative tasks at the office--things that aren't project related but are appropriate for someone at my managerial level. And I can't stand the thought of being at home, where I'm not supposed to be at 2pm on a Wednesday but it's clear I'm not getting anything done at work.

I'm struck with the overwhelming feeling that I'm weak and I've failed. I can't bear the burden of running projects, can't stand the thought of sticking with the project and seeing it through to completion...so what kind of role model does that make me for the interns and young architects in my office? How can I tell my interns that they need to be diligent and follow through and think through RFIs and questions when I hate the thought of looking at those drawings so much that I've stopped wearing mascara because I just cry it off before noon? How can I reinforce professionalism to my staff when I'm constantly holding back the urge to give my bosses a five-finger death punch to the neck? How dare I admonish someone for a casual email or statement on a phone call when my two favorite words are "fuck" and "goddamn"?

And where do I get the nerve to post anything on this blog, giving advice to young professionals and telling them how they need to act and speak and write emails and arrange their resumes when I'm a dumpster fire in an Ann Taylor pantsuit?

I don't know what any of this means just yet. Readers have said nice things about this blog, so on the one hand I'd like to keep it up. But I'm utterly worn out to the point that even the most basic of tasks seems impossible. I also feel like a fraud telling people to get their shit together when I can't get my own together. It may mean that I'm posting less regularly, less forcing of the content and more posting just as something interesting comes to me. It may mean that this blog goes quiet for a while as I sort out this feeling of ants crawling just beneath my skin and the sound of blood constantly rushing in my ears.

I feel like I owe you all an explanation and perhaps even an apology for the poverty of content in recent months. My writing has been half-hearted and hollow, even platitude-filled to the point of being trite. You  all deserve good, thoughtful writing and discussions on meaningful topics, and I haven't really been providing that. You deserve better, and I ask your patience as I work towards whatever that better is.

Lulu

Work-life balance: a sine curve, not a scale

I just took a week off from work. I almost made it the whole week without checking my email, but I caved on day 5 when I realized I had 200 emails in my inbox. Fortunately, a fair amount of them were things like "there are cookies in the break room" and "the copier is up/down/depressed/homocidal". I was able to handle anything that truly needed my attention easily with email, and everything else appeared to be well in hand, thanks to the great interns that work on my team.

This week off is part of my summer-of-scaling-back, which was preceded by the months of October 2012-May 2013 being fast and furious (sans Vin Diesel) with deadlines and workload. It was during that time that I remember a phenomenon that is arguably particular to architecture. It's the phenomenon of our work-life balance. The general world of white-collar work gives us this image of work-life balance as if it were scales, like the sign for the zodiac sign of Libra: always in perfect balance and harmony. We're told that every day is balance: some work, some play, some chores, some sleep.



But the truth, especially for architects, is more complex: it's more like a sine wave. There are times where the work calls for more of your effort, time, and attention. There are times where your health calls for the most attention. Sometimes it's your partner or spouse. Sometimes it's your parents. Sometimes it's your hobby or side business. Life's demands ebb and flow depending on what's going on, and the illusion that everything is always only demanding X or Y is a myth. The sine wave shows this a lot better than the scales: above the X axis is work and professional demands, below the X axis is personal demands.

After my major deadlines passed in May, I pulled my boss aside and let him know I needed some rest this summer, and he concurred and has been supporting me in that. The project and the team are in a place where I can do this, and even better, they can get rest too. (I wasn't the only one who was worn out.) So I'm planning some vacations and time off this summer with my husband to make up for answering work email on our anniversary trip in February.

Accepting the ebb and flow is a lot easier than constantly struggling to make things balance every single day, and it's a lot more realistic. Allowing yourself to deal with demands and deadlines by month Or week instead of by day takes some pressure off. But do remember: it's up to you to say when the sine wave has gone too far for too long in one direction.

And now, to purge the burnout

I must start by thanking everyone who continues to come here week after week and read whatever I've written (or in the last few weeks, not written). I truly appreciate the questions and thoughts I receive. I must confess though that in the press of the last few months, I've found myself increasingly burned out. One of my friends who went to grad school to be a therapist called my recent state "central nervous system fatigue or overload". It's a condition he sees in elite athletes and bodybuilders; the patient works out so much and doesn't allow time to recover, and consequently they exhaust easily in terms of physical and mental performance. The same can happen when you work week after week and month after month at 50 or so hours a week. I have interns in my office right now who are younger than me but experiencing this as well. 

What it takes to exhaust you is based on the individual. I can do more than some people my age (37) and less than others. I could do more when I was 30 than I can now. However, the most important two things to remember about fatigue at work are these:

1. Know your limits and the signs of your fatigue. Don't let people put more on you than you can get done in the time allotted, especially if the piling-on is a continuous affair (I.e., it goes on for more than a month). Also, know when the workload and pressure is getting to you: do you get snippy? Have frequent nightmares or sleep poorly in general? Lose or gain a lot of weight?
2. Tell someone that this is happening and take steps to get rest as soon as you can. Your manager can't help you unless s/he knows you're drowning in work or stress. They may be able to get you help or help you prioritize what needs to be done when so that you don't feel overwhelmed. Furthermore, give yourself the physical and mental breaks you need as soon as you can get them. I didn't follow that advice, and by the end of my deadlines, I was shouting the f-word at my boss. Not something I recommend,

I'll do my best to keep posting advice, thoughts, and questions for y'all as I'm able this summer, but I do need some rest. I don't want to just slap any old bunch of writing up here in the name of posting every week. I want to do well thought out and researched posts for y'all, and that takes energy. And I do hope all of you have some fun trips or breaks planned for the summer!

More random weblinks for the end of a busy month

As my project team and I wrap up a deadline-laden May, I'm finding it hard to focus and bring it into the home stretch. So the focus of today's random weblink post is, well, focus, along with a side order of motivation, in the creative world.

Motivating creative people--or any people for that matter--is a lot tougher than it sounds, says this coach.  I intend to read his entire series on the different types of motivation and how that works with creative work (when I finally am not working every weekend).  So far, I find myself nodding along with the idea that, while you can't really "motivate" people, you can sure as hell demotivate them.  That's good advice for me as a manager.

Depending on the task, being "unfocused" can help, such as when trying to improvise lyrics in a rap. Allowing the brain to relax can allow for even better results in creative attempts and results.

Speaking of results, we get results based on what we focus on.  This TED talk from a psychologist who works mostly with 20-somethings discusses how important it is that people make the most of their 20s--develop a life, career, interests, relationships, good habits, etc.--because it sets the stage for the rest of their lives.

And finally, a reminder from this Buddhist blogger that what we focus on and give our energy to is what we become.

Will having a life hold me back?

I was talking with an intern recently who is married with two small children. She overheard her boss mention that she (the boss) might send the intern on an overnight trip to meet with some clients because another architect couldn't attend. The intern mentioned it to her husband that night, and he was uncomfortable with her being gone overnight.  For her and her spouse, family is important, and neither she nor her husband liked the idea of her being away overnight for work.  Her work schedule with her firm is oriented around her family life as it is; she works through lunch so she can leave early to pick up her kids from day care, and she rarely if ever works overtime. The intern expressed her concerns to me regarding her future career path, and even her job security: "If I make family a priority, is that going to hurt me at work?"

We can quibble the idea of a spouse quashing our ability to travel for work, but that's not the point of the question.  We all have something (or somethings) that we like outside of work. Maybe it's family, maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's a second job that allows you to flex a different kind of creativity, maybe it's volunteer work, or maybe it's a combination of these or others. Any human being cannot only work at their job/profession; it makes them incomplete as people and more prone to burnout. Yet as my colleagues and I have gone further into architecture and up the ladder at my firm, I see common threads in promotion, raises, and job description changes.  Advancement in all its many faces:

•  ...comes to those who do the work required with exceptional quality. People can be taught how to use software or how to look up something in the 2009 IBC or where the insulation goes in a brick wall section, but people can't always be taught how to care.  Exceptional quality in your work has to do with caring, knowing why something is the way it is, or knowing all the possible exceptions or issues or concerns with a piece of code, or checking your work for thoroughness and even spelling/punctuation errors.
• ...comes to those who take the time necessary to do that work.  Sometimes--not all the time, but sometimes--that takes more than 40 hours in a week. It doesn't necessarily go to the person who's always in the office, 50+ hours a week, but I've never seen it go to the person who's right in at 8 and right out at 5, regardless of what the project requires at that moment.
• ...comes to those who act and speak/write with respect, clarity, professionalism, and integrity. All the good design skill or technical competency in the world cannot be overcome by someone who lays out of work when there's a deadline or writes snarky emails to design team members or ignores clients.

If you work at a firm that doesn't allow for a life outside of work, I would personally beware.  I've also said here before that there are two un-ideal situations at work: never working overtime and always working overtime. Never working overtime means I can't count on you when there's a sudden emergency or deadline, which happens on even the best-managed projects. Always working overtime means you're overwhelmed or haven't been trained properly, or you're employed at one of those workhouse-type firms. But these may come off as platitudes for the intern I described at the beginning of this post.  What are her options professionally if she's highly competent, but 40 hours a week is all she can do?

My answer is that she has plenty of options if she chooses carefully.  If she works on a lot of local projects (to which she can travel to and from in the same day), there's no reason she can't manage those projects, especially after she's licensed. If she also sticks with smaller projects and project types, there may be less of a chance of having insane deadlines and tons of work to do on them (which would require a lot of that evening and weekend work time).  But here's the other unfortunate truth: interns are the people that work nights and weekends, because they're taking direction from architects.  Getting licensed will help open the doors she needs to be able to leave at 5 because someone else is doing the drawing.  Another option that will help her advancement is being willing to work at home a bit on weeknights, maybe after the kids have gone to bed.  Having a laptop (or an iPad, as I do) allows project architects and project managers to answer questions and keep people moving without having to be in the building ten hours a day.

But there will be limitations. One of the reasons I was given a major promotion last year is that I am (and have been) willing to take on big, tough complicated projects with intense deadlines.  I'm willing and able to travel to remote areas on multiple puddle-jumper planes to meet with clients for four days at a time.  I've been willing to do what the project required, regardless of the size or scope of the project.  It's that last part that makes me more flexible and allows my firm some breathing room when doing staffing, and that flexibility make their lives easier...and I've been rewarded for that.  And while I don't have children, I do work with men and women who have children and have also been willing to travel and work long hours when it was needed, and they were promoted accordingly.  

The bottom line: choosing family unilaterally over work/career will not completely limit your professional growth, but there will be some missed opportunities.  And choosing work unilaterally over a personal life and family will make you boring, bitter, and burned out. And these truths hold regardless of your profession.

Career forks in the road: get licensed now or get the M.Arch?

I recently got a question from J, who started out in one state with a 4-year pre-professional degree in architecture and then moved to another state to work due to family obligations. J is about to finish the ARE and get licensed, even without his B.Arch or M.Arch.  His questions were good ones: does getting my license this way mean I have an asterisk by my license number, and will it hurt me if I move to another state?

The short answers are no and maybe.  While some states are beginning to close the loopholes on not gaining experience through IDP/NCARB and not getting a B.Arch or M.Arch, not all have done so.  This link to NCARB's Registration Board License Requirements describes by state and jurisdiction what is required for initial license as well as reciprocity in that state.  It's a good reference for both your present situation (should I go back to grad school now or just get going with my hours and ARE?) as well as your future.  If you get licensed without the professional degree and then decide to move out of that state, you'll need to check if you can get reciprocal registration in your new state.  This might not be a big problem if you work for another firm, as they have partners/owners that stamp and sign the drawings. However, if you start your own firm and want to pursue work in a state that won't offer you reciprocity, you'll need to partner with another firm that is licensed in that state in order to do the work--and there goes a chunk of your profits.

There's no right or wrong way to go about this. It's just about knowing the benefits and costs of each method.

Career forks in the road: Should I get or finish my architecture degree?

Another question of which I've seen various forms is the "should I get my architecture degree, even though I'm almost licensed/almost 40/not sure I'll have a job/might have to move/etc.?" It's a good question, and seemingly a tough one to answer on the heels of a bad economy. A recent article on Yahoo opines that architecture isn't a good degree to have on the basis that it's hard to parlay that degree into something else if you get out of school and can't find a job. Instead, Yahoo recommends that you get a degree in business administration instead.

Well, yeah, if you want to do business.  Or if you're not really picky about whatever the hell you do after college, then sure, get a nice general business degree.  But if you want to be an architect, I'm sorry, Yahoo, but you're going to have to have a fucking architecture degree because no firm will fucking hire you without one.

Articles like the Yahoo one infuriate me.  These articles make it sound like a) today's young people are only after the almighty dollar, b) that jobs and expertise are interchangeable, and c) that no one actually has any passion or drive to do something useful and creative (see "a"). These "what should I do with my life" articles are misleading in that they don't account for someone who might heaven forbid actually know that they want to do for a living, and they want to be an architect. Furthermore, this article is written for people who, if they got into architecture, I would want them out of my profession as soon as possible, because if they're trying to just use a degree to do something like, totally epically awesome without even actually working in the field--or any field--are people who have no concept of what it takes to do something worthwhile: design and build a building, teach people, create a software program, and so forth.  Mary, Joseph, and Renzo Piano willing, those sorts of people will have been rooted out during undergrad in a flurry of tears during a brutal midterm jury.

So then what? What of the rest of you who still wonder about whether to pursue or complete a degree? At this point, it's about the research.  If you're about to be licensed without having a B. Arch or M.Arch, have you talked with NCARB about getting your NCARB record and possible reciprocity after you get licensed? If you're wondering about finishing your degree or even getting a degree in the first place, do you really really want to be an architect, or do you just feel like you have to finish what you start?  Have you met and talked to any practicing architects to see what their job is like and ask what they think the economy might do in the next year or so? Talking to people out in the profession right now will give you a good sense of where the profession is now and will be going in the short term, which might help you make the decision.

Ultimately, this is yet another question you'll have to answer for yourself: Do you want to be an architect? If the answer is no, then move along--again, no harm in admitting so and moving on.  But if the answer is yes, then do a little digging to see what you need to do to make it happen.  It's only too late if you don't start now, where you are.

Career forks in the road: When is it time to quit architecture?

I've gotten various versions of the "is it time to quit architecture" question from folks all over the country for the past couple of years. I take these questions seriously, as I realize that this question is more than skin deep.  It's a question of soul-searching, so many worries and dreams rolled into one sticky question. And I'm not sure that I overall have a good answer.

Like any good architect, my first impulse is to ask questions and troubleshoot.  Where are you now, what have you done so far, and what else are you willing to do?

Are you at least working now, even if it's not in architecture?  Good--that keeps the rent paid, or at least lets you pay your parents while you stay in your old room (and there's no shame in that). Plus, it makes you take a shower every morning, which staves off depression. Can you refinance, etc. or doing your student loans to buy you some time?  It might be worth it.

Have you talked to any firms in your area?  It doesn't have to be for a job interview, but maybe you talk with them just as a "where do you see the profession going in the next couple of years" conversation, and maybe a little "hey, what do you think of my resume and portfolio" thrown in. Find all the various architecture groups in your area and attend some functions, chat up some folks, and make some connections there as well. 

Can't get a job in architecture? There's no shame in doing Revit or CAD work for an engineering firm, nor is it a bad thing to work for an architectural product rep for a while.  At least you'll get to meet some architects (hopefully) along the way, which again will give you some contacts.

Where do you live now? The market might be really depressed there, so you may be better off moving and working elsewhere.  Where are you willing to move to?  Boston, New York, and San Francisco are nice, but there may also be jobs in Houston, Des Moines, Billings, Reno, etc. Be willing to move somewhere not on the Map of Awesomeness in order to get a good gig.

Do you have a 4-year degree and no B.Arch or M.Arch?  If you're still jobless, maybe going to grad school will give you time to weather the craptastic economy. Then when you get out, you're that much closer to being licensed.  I realize that also depends on financial aid, etc., but if you can swing it, it could be worth it.

So...what if you've done all these things and are still getting nowhere?

I don't know.  I do the best I can on this little blog to advise and inspire and cheerlead and counsel, but there's only so much I know and only so much I can do. I'll be the first to admit that I've been somewhat lucky--I got out of college during a booming economic time and have managed to stay employed for 12.5 straight years. Those of you still trying to get into (or back into) architecture have possibly done more than I would have done to stay in architecture.  So, failing any practical advice, I say this to you:

It's only time to quit architecture when you're ready to quit.  If you've been slogging along and trying to get in and not having any luck, it's okay to walk away.  This has been a brutal 3-4 years for everyone, you included, and no one can (or likely will) blame you for throwing in the towel. But I have to say that people who have been unemployed or have had to work like hell to get into this profession in this economy are good people to have in a firm, because they Give A Damn.  And I'll take one Give A Damner over three comfortable people who have settled and want to warm a chair for 8 hours a day. Give A Damners make things happen and pay attention and listen and learn because they know what it's like to not have a chance.

Only you can really answer this question.  If you quit, I understand, and the Universe/God/Allah/Flying Spaghetti Monster be with you.  You have every right.  But I hope you'll stay.